We Need to Talk with Joshua Graves

Tough conversations can feel like real-life horror stories—but they don’t have to. In We Need to Talk: A Survival Guide for Tough Conversations, Joshua Graves offers a practical, psychologically grounded toolkit for navigating conflict with clarity and courage. Drawing on insights from neuroscience, psychology, and his own lived experience, Graves explains why our brains react so strongly to tension and conflict—and what we can do about it. 

Lou and Joshua discuss workplace power dynamics, emotional triggers, and avoidance patterns, showing how even a moment of pause can shift the outcome. Joshua’s advice? Slow down. Breathe. Ask questions that begin with what or how instead of why. And remember, you're allowed to step away and come back—conflict doesn't need to be resolved in the heat of the moment. 

Whether you're facing pay disputes, boundary violations, or breakdowns in trust, Joshua’s goal isn’t to script your response but to equip you with flexible, self-aware tools you can adapt to your own voice.

What You'll Learn from this Episode:

• Why Joshua Graves, an artist with a love for spooky aesthetics, is an unexpected but deeply thoughtful guide to conflict.
• How his personal discomfort with confrontation led to years of research in psychology, neuroscience, and communication.
• Why our brains interpret digital conflict—like emails or Slack messages—as real threats, and what that means for how we respond.
• What it means to treat tough conversations like design problems, working within human constraints rather than against them.
• How slowing down and asking the right questions can transform emotionally charged moments into opportunities for clarity and connection.
• Why one-size-fits-all advice doesn’t work—and how Graves’ approach helps you develop your own voice in conflict.

 

Quick Reference Guide:

0:12 - Meet Joshua Graves

2:45 - The background of Joshua’s book, We Need to Talk

7:30 - Helpful rabbit holes when researching and writing We Need to Talk

10:00 - Advice for tough conversations

16:23 - Why you should use the Rosenverse

18:38 - What to do when someone is out of control

22:07 - “Conversations” to have with yourself

25:20 - Joshua’s gift for the audience

 

Resources and Links from Today's Episode:

We Need to Talk: A Survival Guide for Tough Conversations by Joshua Graves

Lost Horse Labs https://www.losthorse.design 

Rock band - Lord Huron https://www.lordhuron.com/#/ 

 

Quotes:

“I have this deep curiosity about the patterns that we find ourselves in, why we think the way we do, how we perceive things the way that we do.” 

“Understanding constraints helps you figure out what is outside your control or influence.” 

“Asking questions that start with ‘what’ and ‘how’ are immensely more helpful than asking ‘Why did you do that?’”

“At nearly no point are you obligated to stay in a hard, hot conversation. You can withdraw for a minute.”